Making Peace with Where You Are In Midlife

Letting go of who you thought you should be is not always easy. You may have built parts of your life around other people’s expectations or followed a path that once felt right but no longer fits. Over time, these “shoulds” can pile up and leave you feeling disconnected from your true self. The idea of changing course might feel uncomfortable, but it can also be freeing.

In case no one has told you lately, you are allowed to grow. You are allowed to let go of old roles and ideas that no longer feel like you. This is not about rejecting your past. It is about recognizing what no longer serves you and choosing to move forward in a way that feels more honest. You do not have to keep living a version of yourself that was built around pressure or fear. You get to be who you really are.

Understanding the Root of "Should"

The word “should” often comes from outside voices. It can show up in childhood, through family expectations or social norms. It can follow you into adulthood in the form of career pressure, relationship choices, or lifestyle decisions. These “shoulds” are often linked to approval or a desire to feel accepted. Sometimes, you follow them without even realizing it. You take actions based on what others believe is right, instead of what feels right to you.

When you understand where your “shoulds” came from, it becomes easier to question them. You can start asking whether those ideas still apply to your life. The more awareness you bring to this, the less power those beliefs have over you. It is not about blaming anyone. It is about recognizing patterns that shaped your choices so you can begin to choose differently moving forward.

Because midlife, including perimenopause and all of the changes that can bring, can create mental health challenges, working with a professional, such as a coach, counselor or functional medicine doctor, or all 3 can be incredibly helpful. 

Identifying Expectations You’ve Outgrown

You grow and change, and some expectations no longer match who you are. Letting go means noticing what does not feel aligned anymore. These might be roles, habits, or labels that once felt right but now feel limiting. When you outgrow something, it is okay to leave it behind.

Here are some examples of expectations you may have outgrown:

· Always saying yes to keep the peace

· Following a career path that no longer excites you

· Trying to fit into a version of success defined by others

· Avoiding change to stay comfortable

· Believing you must have everything figured out

· Taking care of everyone else before yourself

· Seeking constant validation or approval

Letting go of these expectations creates room for new ways of thinking and being that feel more true to who you are now.

Tuning Into Your True Desires

When you let go of who you thought you should be, it becomes easier to hear your own voice. You start to notice what you truly want, not just what you were told to want. This takes practice. You may need quiet moments to reflect on what feels right for you. Ask yourself what excites you, what brings you peace, and what feels natural. These are clues to your true desires. Sometimes you discover a new desire and other times an old dream resurfaces giving you a chance to begin again.

Do not rush to have perfect answers. Just start by getting curious. You might feel pulled toward new interests, relationships, or ways of living. That pull is worth exploring. Give yourself permission to want things that do not match other people’s plans for you. Your desires matter, even if they are different from what you used to believe. The more you follow what feels right, the more at home you feel in your own life.

Practicing Self-Acceptance Over Approval

Choosing self-acceptance means valuing who you are right now, without needing to meet anyone else’s standards. This can feel uncomfortable if you are used to chasing approval, especially if you lean toward people pleasing or have a history of trauma in your childhood. External validation can have a powerful pull. But approval is often temporary. It changes based on what others want or expect. Self-acceptance is steadier. It comes from within. When you stop trying to be what others want, you make space to be who you are. 

Releasing Guilt From Past Choices

Everyone has made choices that felt right at the time but no longer reflect who they are. Feeling guilt about the past is common, especially when you are changing direction. But holding onto guilt does not help you grow. It can keep you stuck. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to shift your path. The choices you made before came from the version of you that existed then.

That version of you did the best that she could with what she knew. 

Growth means making new choices now. Instead of judging your past, try to learn from it. Ask yourself what you gained, what you learned, and how it helped shape who you are becoming. Letting go of guilt is not about ignoring the past. It is about freeing yourself from shame so you can move forward with more clarity and peace.

Creating Space for Who You Are Becoming

As you let go of old roles, identities, and expectations, you create room for something new. This space is where growth happens. It might feel unfamiliar at first, but that is part of the process. You are making space for new interests, values, and ways of thinking. You do not have to rush to fill it. Allow yourself time to explore, reflect, and settle into what feels right now.

When you live from a place of honesty, life feels lighter and more fulfilling. You trust yourself more. You stop pretending. You stop comparing. You begin to focus on what feels real. Honoring your authentic self is not about perfection. It is about showing up, choosing what feels aligned, and living with a sense of honesty that supports your growth.

At The Well, we are happy to offer individual sessions, corporate wellness events and digital tools to help you make the most of wherever you are on the way to where you want to be. For a confidential appointment with one of our providers, call 317-471-8996 or email intake@thewellcounselinggroup.com. We work with numerous insurance companies and have self-pay options available as well.