Being alone is not in anyway a clinical concern, and feeling lonely also not necessarily a problem, but experts have been weighing in for years on what they are calling the 'loneliness epidemic' and if you have felt disconnected from friends, family or community, this may be a topic that you're curious about too.
U.S. surgeon general Vivek Murthy placed a spotlight on America’s problem with loneliness when he declared the issue an epidemic in the spring of 2023. Factoring in varying degrees of loneliness by age group, the average is that 21% of adults in this country are estimated to have significant feelings of "a subjective distressing experience that results from perceived isolation or inadequate meaningful connections'. In layman's terms, people feel less like they belong, less meaningful relationships and less like someone would notice and care about their absence. Bottom line, in a world with more ways than ever to be 'connected' about 1 in 5 of us feel less connected than ever.
While there are probably dozens of reasons why this has become the norm, we think it's more important here to give you solutions.
The irony in this of course, is that when you feel lonely and sad, you are more inclined to indulge in the "bad habits" or the ones that tend to reinforce feelings of loneliness and isolation instead of the ones that can actually provide you comfort or improve the conditions that are triggering those feelings. So building in a few practices, or habits, into your routines can help improve your functioning and act as prevention too.
Check in With a Friend
Just because you are alone, doesn’t mean you have to feel alone. When these emotions come rushing in and you are just craving company, check in on a friend. It is a great reminder to contact people you haven’t spoken to in a while, to give your mom a call, or to ask your neighbor if they need help with anything.
Even a small amount of social interaction can make a big difference when you are feeling lonely. You can also turn this into a habit, where every time you feel lonely, it triggers the habit of doing something more social.
If your mind routinely sees this as 'bothering' someone else, this can be something to discuss with your therapist, perhaps making a plan for how you will approach these topics or processing where those feelings originated to begin with.
Find a Group or Club Nearby
Why not add new habits to your life that you have never done before? This is the perfect time to try out a class in your area to learn pottery or fiction writing. You can join a local hiking or walking group, or see if you have book clubs run by people nearby. Maybe there is a club or association related to your profession with likeminded people you are able to network with.
Perhaps you were born into a family of athletes and you're not interested in sports at all, creating a community of people who have shared interests can be a chosen family of sorts without having to ruminate, or spend too much time thinking about, feeling left out by your family's chosen activities.
Practice Gratitude
There is always something to be grateful for in your life, no matter how you are feeling. If you ever feel lonely, it can become a cue that it is time for your gratitude habit. A gratitude practice is one where you write down what you feel grateful for in that moment.
It can be anything that you are happy to have or experience in your life, big or small. From the morning cup of coffee to a stranger giving you a compliment. You can be grateful for your job, friends and family, your car, or your home. You can be grateful for bigger things like a loved one recovering from an illness or finding a new job after you were laid off.
If gratitude feels hard or boring, take a walk around your home or community and think about being grateful for each invention that you use on a daily basis. From your coffee pot to the DVR there are likely things that you would miss if they disappeared, so why not take a moment and be grateful for those to distract from the feeling of missing out on something else.
Get to know yourself better
One of the reasons why people sometimes isolate is the feeling that they don't have anything to give to relationships or that people would not find them to be interesting. We can be our own harshest critic, and remnants of past rejections can show up in these thoughts as well.
But when you are in a season of change or transition, like a divorce, job loss or entering the empty nest season using a journal or reflective prompts to get to know yourself better can give you topics to talk about with new people that you might meet.
It goes without saying that extended periods of loneliness can also be a signal of underlying mental health or even medical conditions and a session with your coach or therapist can include screenings that can lead to improved feelings, functioning and connections all around. Researchers also stress the need to promote a culture that cares and serves others, as a means of improving your own feelings. Things like collective community service and collaborative projects at schools or non-profits can aid in relieving these feelings and improving the world at the same time.